Why I really enjoy couples therapy in the scope of sex therapy:
Embarking on sex therapy can be challenging for an individual or a couple to face. For an individual with a specific issue, therapy can be a wonderful avenue. Learning how to gain sexual confidence, communication tools, unpack guilt or shame that potentially could be holding one back can be so helpful. Not to mention shedding those negative unhelpful thoughts that could be truly getting in the way of pleasure can help wonders in therapy as a solo participant.
These topics come into play during couples therapy too, when focussing on sex as a team sport, I find it incredibly valuable to have both voices in the room. We are all very different people; your understanding, meaning, interests, and desires of sex might be very different to that of your partners.
Getting to hear how both parties have shaped their sexual lens, get an understanding what the issue is from both sides, and hold the “we” is a privilege I am fortune to work with daily. During couples counselling, there are three entities to acknowledge; partner 1, partner 2, and the relationship.
Sex therapy for a relationship isn’t about faulting one party or forcing one party to approach sex the same way the other party wants them. It’s about truly understanding the differences two people are facing, learning what beliefs are helpful and which ones can be thrown out the window moving forward, and listening to one another. Having discussions about desires, wants, expectations, and what pleasure looks like for each person is extremely valuable in order to start making positive changes moving forward.
The desired outcome:
A new sex life can be recreated, and shaped exactly how both parties would like it to be. There will be elements of compromise, understanding, and voicing boundaries during this journey. This journey might not be super easy. On the contrary, by putting in the effort, a relationship can flourish and find a good enough or even great new sex life.