Toxic Sex

The term toxic relationship has become widely used. Many self-help blogs, and articles are explaining the signs of being in a toxic relationship. It is suffice to say that toxic relationships aren’t good for the soul, eventually explode, and can leave a few emotional scars that need healing.

There doesn’t appear to be current research or advice available to know if you’re having toxic sex. Just because a relationship is toxic, does that mean the sex is also toxic? Or can you experience toxic sex and not even be in a committed relationship?

Hate f*cking is a pretty strong way to describe having sex with your partner. Whether it is at the end of the relationship, or an incredibly dysfunctional way to connect during a time of conflict, hate f*cking is a toxic experience period. Toxic sex can also be experienced during the age of casual love affairs with a partner you’re not in a committed relationship with.

Signs of toxic sex:

  1. Your partner uses aggression during sex, and not in a way that turns you on. *Even if you are ok with sex that is rougher by nature sometimes.
  2. The person seems to be frustrated and using sex as an outlet, i.e. you.
  3. Your needs aren’t even on their radar.
  4. Feeling used afterwards.
  5. You are considering crossing your own boundaries.

Tolerating other people’s issues are ultimately our own decision, but letting these issues transpire into the bedroom is an entire different can of worms. Keeping your sex life healthy and happy is a tough responsibility, and good sex is always possible after ditching toxic partners.


Integrated Sex + Relationship Therapy acknowledges the Traditional Custodians of Country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their Elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today and emerging.  We acknowledge sovereignty was never ceded.

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